Venture capitalist Paul Pelosi is making some big moves on the stock market these days, now that his wife Nancy is back in charge of the House of Representatives. Maybe he’s just one of those really smart gamblers!

Not to worry, though. Fox News talked to some other Democrats in Congress, and they all say that Paul and Nancy Pelosi aren’t doing anything that is actually “insider trading” or that might be construed as violations of the congressional STOCK Act. Phew!

And if you want to suggest that Nancy Pelosi is allegedly a crook, you should be warned that she is expanding her own creepy political police force and she’ll send them to your house to investigate you as an extremist for bothering her.

Note: Nothing that you read in this article should be construed as investment advice. We are not financial investment advisors. In addition, since you are not married to the Speaker of the House, we’re pretty sure that you would go to federal prison if you tried to pull any of the crap described here.

Since it hasn’t gotten much coverage in the media this year, here’s a refresher on Paul Pelosi’s investments since his wife became Speaker of the House.

Back in January, Paul Pelosi bought a million dollars’ worth of stock in Tesla. In a wildly lucky coincidence, just one week later, Joe Biden announced that his regime and the Democrat-controlled Congress would be offering new federal incentives to electric carmakers like Tesla. Imagine Paul Pelosi’s delight and surprise when Tesla’s stock priced jumped!

In March of this year, Paul Pelosi suddenly bought $2 million in Microsoft stock. Just two weeks later, Microsoft secured a multi-billion-dollar contract with the Pentagon to build “augmented reality headsets” for the Army. Obviously, Microsoft’s share price jumped when that announcement was made. Know what else jumped? Nancy Pelosi’s husband jumped with joy! Another lucky investment just so happened to pay off a few moments after he bought those stocks.

Now that we’re into the summer months, a Democrat-controlled House committee is taking up legislation to rein in the powers of Big Tech companies like Apple, Amazon and Alphabet (parent company of Google & YouTube). There will obviously be frenzied reporting on this, and the result will be that those three companies’ stock prices are going to fall.

According to financial disclosures that Paul Pelosi is required to make, we know that he just purchased “call options” on those three companies, to the tune of $6 million. Hmmm…

A “call option” is basically an authorization to buy a stock when it hits a certain price. From Paul Pelosi’s July 2^nd filings, we know what he’ll be purchasing if those three stocks fall to a certain level. Apple is trading at $144 a share today, and Paul Pelosi’s call option means he’ll be buying Apple if the price drops to $100 a share (which is a real likelihood after these hearings start). Amazon is trading at about $3,700 a share today, and Pelosi will purchase shares if it drops to $3,000 a share. And Alphabet/Google is trading at around $2,500 today, with Paul Pelosi buying in if the shares drop to $1,200 a share.

In other words, Paul Pelosi has moved to “buy the dip” if stocks in those companies tank after the hearings begin. Why is he doing this? A cynical person might think that Paul Pelosi has some insider information. If the legislation in the House were to drag on a for a few months and then suddenly end up not passing, those tech company stock prices would jump back up. And that, of course, would result in big bags of cash profits for Nancy Pelosi’s husband.

What? You didn’t believe that the Democrats in Congress actually wanted to rein in the Big Tech companies, did you?

Meanwhile, Nancy Pelosi has announced yet another creepy authoritarian move to crack down on people who criticize her. She’s expanding the Capitol Police force by opening up “satellite offices” in Florida and California. Huh?

You might have thought that the Capitol Police would primarily be stationed at, you know… the US Capitol. But Pelosi says she needs even more help hunting down the dangerous January 6 insurrectionists. You might also think that we already have an FBI, a DEA, a US Marshal Service, a Department of Homeland Security, an NSA, a Secret Service, and a bunch of other federal law enforcement agencies to harass Trump supporters. But Pelosi says that’s not enough.

So, don’t criticize the Pelosi family for what looks like shady insider trading. Otherwise you might soon get a knock at your door from Nancy Pelosi’s expanding Capitol Police force.