The same Wall Street geniuses who told you to buy Enron stock are now panicking because President Trump actually did something about Iran. S&P futures dropped nearly 2% overnight, oil prices shot up 9%, and gold blew past $5,300 an ounce. The Dow shed 500 points before the dip-buyers swooped in to cut the losses. All because America stopped pretending that the world’s biggest state sponsor of terrorism was just going to behave itself forever.

Whoa. Somebody get the financial media a fainting couch and a glass of warm milk.

Here’s the situation. Over the weekend, the U.S. and Israel launched joint strikes on Iran that killed Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and a pile of top security officials. Trump posted on Truth Social that Khamenei “was unable to avoid our Intelligence and Highly Sophisticated Tracking Systems.” The guy who spent decades funding Hezbollah, Hamas, and the Houthis is now meeting his 72 virgins. The mullahs’ whole command structure got decapitated in about 48 hours.

And the stock market’s big concern? Oil prices.

Look, we’re not going to pretend that higher gas prices are no big deal. The national average just hit $3 a gallon, and GasBuddy says it could jump another 10 to 30 cents this week. Some stations might spike even higher than that. For families already getting squeezed by grocery bills and rent, that stings. We get it.

But here’s what the crybabies on financial TV won’t tell you between panic attacks. Iran’s Revolutionary Guard commander announced that the Strait of Hormuz is “closed” and threatened to set fire to any ship that tries to pass through. A third of the world’s seaborne crude exports flow through that little waterway. Maersk and Hapag-Lloyd already suspended all shipments. Oops.

You know what else flows through the Strait of Hormuz? Twenty percent of the global LNG supply. European natural gas prices jumped 20% on the news. But somehow we’re supposed to believe that leaving Iran’s terror regime in place for another 40 years was the smarter economic play?

Every president since Jimmy Carter kicked this can down the road. Iran built nukes (or got close enough that everyone had to pretend they didn’t notice). They armed the Houthis, who’ve been shooting at commercial ships in the Red Sea for over a year like it’s target practice. They bankrolled Hamas — you know, the animals who carried out the October 7th massacre. They built proxy armies from Yemen to Lebanon to Iraq. Forty years of this garbage. And every time, the “smart” people in Washington said the same thing: “We can’t risk instability in the region.”

Oh, really? How’d that work out for everybody?

The region was never “stable.” It was a dumpster fire that previous administrations kept pouring gasoline on and calling “diplomacy.”

Six American service members have been killed so far in Operation Epic Fury. Their families deserve better than a stock ticker update from some hedge fund manager on CNBC whining about his portfolio. Trump told reporters the operation is “moving along very well, very well — ahead of schedule” and could wrap up in four to five weeks.

Then the Iranians went and proved exactly why this war needed to happen. Two drones slammed into the U.S. Embassy in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. A “limited fire” broke out. Thankfully no Americans were killed in that one, but the Saudis confirmed the hit. Trump’s response? “You’ll find out soon” what the retaliation will be.

(We’re guessing the Iranians are going to find out the hard way what happens when you attack an American embassy. Ask Gaddafi how that works out. Oh wait, you can’t.)

The Houthis — Iran’s favorite pets in Yemen — immediately announced they’re resuming missile and drone attacks on U.S. and Israeli ships in the Red Sea. Because apparently getting their entire benefactor country bombed into rubble wasn’t enough of a hint to knock it off.

Here’s what the market panic really tells you. Wall Street doesn’t actually care about American security. They care about quarterly earnings. That’s it. Oil stocks are up huge — Exxon and Chevron gained about 4%, ConocoPhillips jumped over 5%. Airlines tanked, with United down more than 6%. Gold is at an all-time record. The money isn’t vanishing. It’s just moving away from the people who got fat off “stability” and toward people who actually make things. Cry me a river.

Is it going to cost us something at the pump? Yep. That’s the price of 40 years of cowardice finally catching up. Previous administrations let Iran build this entire terror network on our dime — remember, USAID was literally funding organizations connected to these people — and now we’re cleaning up the mess.

The S&P recovered most of its losses by the close on Monday. It ended up 0.04%. The Dow lost 73 points, which is basically a rounding error. The Nasdaq actually finished green. So much for the market apocalypse.

Trump told The Atlantic that Iran “wants to talk” and that he’s “agreed to talk.” When asked who’s calling the shots in Tehran now, he said, “I know exactly who, but I can’t tell you.” Classic Trump. He’s already three moves ahead while the financial media is still hyperventilating about the opening salvo.

Gas prices will come back down when the Strait of Hormuz reopens — and it will reopen, because Iran can’t survive without it either. In the meantime, maybe we should be thankful that we finally have a president who’s willing to deal with the actual problem instead of writing another sternly worded letter to the UN.

Hang on tight. It’s going to be a bumpy few weeks. But when it’s over, the world’s biggest terror sponsor won’t be sponsoring terror anymore. Your 401(k) will survive. Iran’s mullahs won’t.