It looks like we can finally put the rumors to rest. Barack and Michelle Obama are about to become the first First Couple in history to get a divorce after leaving the White House.

The two haven’t been spotted together in public in ages. They’ve allegedly hired lawyers and have been ironing out how to divide up the massive fortune that they somehow accrued off of Barack’s public salary. Now it’s just a matter of waiting for their publicists to decide when to make the big announcement.

Full disclosure: We thought the stories of the Obamas going through a divorce were not true. It seemed like one of those internet rumors that grew legs, but we got it wrong. There really is trouble in paradise and now it’s splitsville for the Democrat Party’s favorite phony power couple.

The rumors that their marriage was on the rocks started to circulate in late 2023. There were two things that may have contributed to this.

The first was the mysterious drowning death of Barack’s personal chef at the Obamas’ palatial estate on Martha’s Vineyard. That happened in August 2023.

And then there was this:

Ep. 22 Larry Sinclair says he had a night of crack cocaine-fueled sex with Barack Obama, and that Obama came back for more the next day. Assess for yourself. Here’s our interview. pic.twitter.com/R6CXwKv6gs

— Tucker Carlson (@TuckerCarlson) September 6, 2023

Nearly 40 million people watched Tucker Carlson’s original interview with one of Barack’s former gay lovers, Larry Sinclair. Mr. Sinclair gave a credible report on how he met Barack Obama in Chicago in 1999 and had sex with him—twice—while smoking crack.

I’m no marriage expert, but that seems like the sort of thing that would upset one’s spouse. Michelle has always known that Barack goes both ways. That wasn’t the problem. It was embarrassing to Michelle that the whole world now realized that her marriage to Barack was completely fake.

Things got even worse for the pair during the 2024 election. When Barack Obama teamed up with Nancy Pelosi to knife Joe Biden in the back, he saw this as his big opportunity. If Barack could convince Michelle to replace Joe, he could continue serving as America’s “shadow president” for another eight years.

Unfortunately for Barack, he doesn’t know his own wife as well as the rest of us do. Barack Obama is a die-hard believer in The Cause. He wants to completely destroy America and usher in a communist system.

Michelle, on the other hand, has achieved everything that she wants in life. She’s a rich lady growing a big, fat ass and has servants to do her bidding. Why would she want to be a president for four or eight years? That looked too much like work to Michelle, so she gave the idea a pass.

When Trash Basket Kamala ended up being given the nomination, that’s when things really froze over in the fake Obama “marriage.” They haven’t been seen in public together since then.

Barack has been sighted multiple times dining by himself around Washington, DC. He doesn’t wear his wedding ring anymore. He went to President Trump’s inauguration and Jimmy Carter’s funeral without his burly bride by his side.

They’ve now been living separately for months and insiders say that the lawyers have hammered out a settlement deal on their $70 million in assets. Under the agreement, Michelle will retain control of the couple’s movie business, Higher Ground Productions. She’ll keep the mansion in Chicago and the estate on Martha’s Vineyard.

Meanwhile, Barack will get the mansion in DC. He plans to stay on the East Coast to try to help the fractured and broken Democrat Party put itself back together again. The pair owns about $22.5 million in stocks that they’ll split down the middle.

“He’ll also get a slice of the Hollywood profits, but she maintains total control over the company,” said an insider who has seen the settlement agreement.

They’re such phonies that they can’t just come out and be honest about the fact that they’re getting a divorce. Their publicists will set up some big event for the announcement, probably with a couple of magazine covers and a televised event. Maybe Oprah’s team is working on the script already.

“They’ve been living separate lives for a while now,” said the insider confirmed. “Now, they’ve decided to stop putting up the facade of a happy family.”

Oh, don’t worry. We never believed they were that happy to begin with.