Wednesday, April 21, 2021
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Media Proof: Rep. Matt Gaetz Caught Kicking Puppy, Colluding with Russia, Paying off Stormy Daniels & Spreading COVID While Breaking into Watergate Hotel to Eat Two Scoops of Ice Cream

Oh my gosh! The New York Times, the rest of the mainstream media and the Department of Justice all say that Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) is some sort of human trafficker exploiting teenage girls. This has to be totally true, since the New York Times, the entire mainstream media, and Biden’s Department of Justice are the most trusted institutions in America which would never lead us astray when it comes to the love lives of Republicans or patriotic Americans or Trump supporters.

Perhaps I’m risking my reputation for standing up for one of the fiercest America First GOP Members of Congress, but I’m just going to go out on a limb and say it: The allegations against Matt Gaetz are a steaming pile of San Francisco Hobo Sidewalk Surprise with a side of BULL-Schiff.

The New York Slimes suddenly-and-for-no-particular-reason published a salacious story about Rep. Gaetz on Tuesday afternoon. The Slimes reports that according to “three people familiar with the matter,” Matt Gaetz is being investigated by the Department of Justice for transporting a 17-year-old girl across state lines and carrying on a sexual relationship with her. The Slimes also declares that this is “sexually trafficking a minor,” in case anyone who uses the paper for something other than a birdcage liner actually still reads its headlines.

And color me shocked! The Department of Justice was probing whether Gaetz used campaign funds to pay for travel expenses for fully grown, adult women who Gaetz has dated since he first became a candidate for Congress in 2016. What a great use of the DOJ’s time while Syrian refugees are announcing plans to shoot up more grocery stores in Colorado!

 

Another not-at-all surprising aspect of this colossal waste of taxpayer time and money: Attorney General Bill Barr actually launched this probe against Gaetz before he left office in December, according to the Slimes.

Ha! There’s no way that’s possible. We all know that Trump’s “wingman” Bill Barr was totally busy cracking the whip on the Durham investigation into Russian collusion. Barr didn’t have a moment of free time in his schedule to do anything other than that. By the way, the Durham “Report” is due to be released… any year now? Right?

Okay, put on your thinking cap here, because this story is about to get a little weird.

It turns out that, according to Matt Gaetz, a former Department of Justice employee started trying to exploit his family for money back in March. Gaetz says that DOJ employee – former assistant US Attorney David McGee of Florida – contacted him in March and said that he could make the DOJ sex trafficking allegations against Gaetz “go away” if the Gaetz family paid him $25 million. To which the Gaetz family replied, “Uh… sex trafficking allegations?”

Matt Gaetz told Tucker Carlson Tonight that he and his father (former Florida state Senator Don Gaetz) immediately contacted the FBI and told them a former DOJ employee was trying to extort them. The FBI was building a case against this McGee person, according to Matt Gaetz. Both the current Congressman Gaetz and his father wore a wire for the FBI, which recorded them negotiating the extortion demands that McGee was making. The Gaetz family was going to wire several million dollars to McGee on March 31, which would have facilitated the FBI arresting the accused dirtbag/former DOJ employee for extorting a sitting member of the US Congress.

(The same federal crime which, oddly enough, Stormy Daniels was never prosecuted for committing against Donald Trump.)

But somehow, someone at the clean-as-a-whistle DOJ leaked a story to the New York Slimes the day before that wire transfer was going to happen. In other words, the totally true and not-at-all-fake “story” of Gaetz trafficking a minor was leaked to spook McGee into not committing a felony extortion crime that would have made the DOJ look like a bunch of corrupt asshats.

The same Department of Justice that has never seemed overly concerned that Bill Clinton secretly flew to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island dozens of times – where Epstein was importing 10-year-old girls from France for sex – is supposedly super concerned that Matt Gaetz was flying around the country with a 17-year-old girl while running for Congress, which is a fairly public sort of thing to do. And it’s the same Department of Justice that was never concerned about Hollywood darling Jerry Seinfeld when he was literally dating a 17-year-old girl that he picked up in a park in New York using balloons and a puppy, when there are a gazillion photos of the child at Hollywood parties with Seinfeld (different state on the other side of country, so Mr. Seinfeld was obviously transporting the child across state lines).

Spoiler alert: There’s no 17-year-old girl in the Matt Gaetz story. There’s no exploitation, no “child trafficking” and no crime.

Honestly, the biggest bombshell in this story – for me, at least – was learning that Matt Gaetz dates WOMEN. I mean… you’ve seen the neckties he wears, right? I kind of assumed Gaetz swung the other way.

And I hope Gaetz fights these fake allegations as fiercely as Donald Trump fought the fake Russian collusion/Stormy Daniels/TWO SCOOPS OF ICE CREAM fake allegations.


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