Our favorite international man of mystery, Hunter Biden, has been spotted again! Hunter is now living inside the White House, so that he can dodge process servers from his stripper baby mama in Washington, DC. At least, that’s the rumor as it’s being reported by Miranda Devine at the New York Post, so we’re going to go ahead and assume it’s true.

Hunter and his latest wife and son are supposedly living at the White House while the stripper mama is on the warpath trying to collect child support from Hunter. He is such a legend!

We’ve written many times in the past about Hunter’s adventurous lifestyle, which we are all very jealous of. The dude gets away with everything and never faces any consequences for his terrible life choices. The rest of us are stuck with our boring, stable lives, but at least we can live vicariously through Hunter Biden’s incredible antics.

For example, right before the 2016 election, Hunter Biden checked himself into a rehab clinic with a California-style woo-woo “world renowned colon hydrotherapist” in Arizona named Puma St. Angel. If you’re wondering what a world-renowned colon hydrotherapist is, well… it’s exactly what it sounds like.

Puma St. Angel puts something up your bum and then does some hippie campfire dancing, and then you’re cured from drugs. Science!

Then, when Hunter Biden left this amazing clinic, he dropped off his rental car and accidentally left his crack pipe, his driver’s license and his iPhone in it. It’s not like he left them in the glove box and just didn’t see them, either. He left his crack pipe and his ID in the front seat. This also means that Hunter Biden was obviously smoking crack while he was AT REHAB!

The cops in Yuma, Arizona carried out a meticulous investigation by looking at the crack pipe and the ID, in addition to the rental car record, and determined that they belonged to Hunter Biden. And then when they realized that this was Joe Biden’s son, they totally dropped the investigation and didn’t press charges.

How does Hunter Biden repeatedly skate by without getting in trouble for epic stuff like this? We have no idea, but we’re definitely jealous!

Fast-forward to 2018, when Hunter Biden embarked upon a romance for the ages. He impregnated a stripper at the Mpire Club in Washington, DC. It was love at first sight for the two little underdogs.

Even though it was a fiery love that was not meant to last—sort of like a Stacey Abrams novel—it did result in the birth of Joe and Jill Biden’s youngest granddaughter, named Navy Jones Roberts. Little Navy is now four years old.

Hunter Biden agreed to pay the stripper mama $2.5 million when he lost a paternity suit to her in 2020. But then he petitioned the court and asked to have his child support payments recalculated, because he’s not allowed to do as much foreign influence peddling now that his dad “The Big Guy” is under a microscope.

The stripper mama is asking a court in Arkansas to throw Hunter Biden in jail, because he refuses to turn over his financial records to her. He claims he’s poor now but doesn’t show any proof of that. Which means that the rumors that Hunter is hiding out in the White House to dodge process servers and avoid paying child support are probably true.

Okay, all sarcasm aside, what’s really going on here?

Hunter Biden doesn’t want his financial records getting out there in the public, because it will show more foreign influence peddling from his dad’s name. Also, because he’s a jerk and he doesn’t want to pay child support.

Boo-hoo. Too bad, Hunter. Life comes at you fast when you romance one of the ladies at the Mpire Club.

This whole thing is also sad, because little Navy is the granddaughter of Joe and Jill Biden—and they don’t acknowledge the poor girl as their kin. She has half-brothers, half-sisters, cousins and grandparents that she’s never met, because the Biden family is a real piece of work. What a bunch of jerks.

Oh, and because Joe Biden made his big 2024 reelection campaign announcement this week, we just wanted to remind everyone that Joe Biden is an accused rapist and he showered with his own daughter. He also obviously did a great job raising Hunter.