If you thought Olympic sports had already peaked in weirdness after breakdancing was added, wait till you hear what’s flying out of Germany—literally. According to a wild report from German outlet Bild, some Olympic ski jumpers are allegedly injecting their, ahem, “equipment” with hyaluronic acid to gain a competitive edge. Yes, you read that right. Olympic athletes may now be doping their groins in an effort to fly farther. If this is what counts as “sports science” in 2026, then it’s no wonder the Olympic motto keeps expanding: Faster, Higher, Stronger, and now… Swellier?

The logic—or lack thereof—goes like this: by injecting hyaluronic acid into their genitals, athletes can temporarily increase the girth, which in turn allows them to be measured for a slightly larger ski suit. Once the swelling subsides, the suit remains looser, providing more lift during the jump. Think of it as performance-enhancing pants.

According to a study published in Frontiers in Sports and Active Living, every 2 cm increase in suit tolerance can lead to a 5 percent increase in lift. That translates to nearly 3 extra meters per centimeter. That’s the difference between “meh” and medal. We always knew the Olympics were about pushing the limits, but we assumed they meant human potential, not silicone injections below the belt.

The World Anti-Doping Agency, or WADA, initially laughed at the idea. And who can blame them? It sounds like something out of an SNL sketch. But then again, so did Joe Biden’s presidency, and that turned into a four-year national migraine. Once the laughter died down, WADA officials said they’d be taking the claims seriously. Finally. Because if we’re at the point where genital inflation is a competitive strategy, it’s time to pump the brakes—pun intended.

Witold Banka, WADA’s president and a Pole himself (Poland being a country that takes ski jumping seriously), has promised to investigate. And thank God someone is. Because if the international Olympic community is just going to shrug and say “well, it’s natural acid,” then we’re about to witness the most bizarre arms race in sports history. First it was steroids, then blood doping, now it’s… down-there doping? What’s next—bobsledders with helium implants?

But let’s take a step back and ask: how did we get here? How did we reach a point where Olympic athletes are willing to perform medical procedures on their crotches for a few extra inches of flight? We’ll tell you how. Years of corruption, virtue-signaling, and blind-eye officiating under liberal international bureaucracies that have turned the Olympics into a circus of woke quotas and loophole exploitation. While Democrats were busy obsessing over gender-neutral pronouns and banning plastic straws, the rest of the world was figuring out how to weaponize hyaluronic acid for ski jumping.

This is what happens when you let the left run global institutions. They’re too busy chasing climate credits and UN resolutions to notice the rulebook is being used as toilet paper. And while President Trump is busy restoring sanity and American excellence back at home, the international community continues to spiral into its own absurdity.

The good news? This is a golden opportunity for America to lead again—by pushing for common sense rules, honest officiating, and an end to clown-world athletic gimmicks. If anyone can put a stop to the madness, it’s a country led by a president who actually understands strength, discipline, and yes, maybe even a little showmanship.

With the 2026 midterms just ten months away, voters should take note: the choice is between a party that wants to keep our athletes focused on performance, and one that’s just fine with competitors injecting themselves with acid to win a medal. The Democrats may think this is progress. We call it what it is—utter insanity.

The integrity of competition matters. And if Olympic officials won’t protect the sport, it’s up to us to elect leaders who will.