The food fight is officially on — and no, we’re not talking about cafeteria-style mashed potato mayhem. We’re talking about the new federal dietary guidelines released by the Department of Health and Human Services, now under the Trump administration’s leadership. The guidelines, which dare to suggest that maybe, just maybe, Americans should eat actual food — like red meat, full-fat dairy, and vegetables — have sent the tofu lobby into a full-blown existential crisis.

The left-wing media and their kale-crunching allies are frothing at the mouth, accusing the administration of “bowing to Big Meat” and triggering the tofu-industrial complex. The new guidance, which essentially flips the old food pyramid on its head, is being treated by the liberal elite as if RFK Jr. himself had declared war on quinoa.

MS Now (formerly MSNBC, but still proudly allergic to common sense) whined that Americans already eat too much meat — which is rich coming from a crowd that thinks a soy latte is a food group. They even tried to argue that the meat we eat is “already fake” because of selective breeding. By that logic, carrots are fake too, since humans have been selectively growing those for centuries. But don’t let facts get in the way of a good tofu tantrum.

The Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, a group that sounds like it should be focused on curing disease but instead spends its time demonizing butter, labeled the new pyramid a public health disaster. According to them, meat and dairy are the evil masterminds behind every modern illness. Which is odd, considering that the explosion in obesity, diabetes, and heart disease didn’t happen during the steak-and-eggs era, but rather when we all started following the old government guidelines loaded with grains and sugar.

And then there’s Food Navigator USA, claiming the new pyramid is a gift to “Big Meat” and “Big Dairy.” Apparently, eating a hamburger is now a political statement. These are the same people who pushed processed “plant-based meat” made in a lab and now want to lecture us about health. Their idea of a balanced diet is a soy burger with a side of climate guilt.

Meanwhile, liberal outlets like Vox and Truthout are sobbing into their lentil soup. Vox even accused the guidelines of being “hostile and stigmatizing” toward vegans. Please. The only thing hostile here is the left’s war on common sense. Truthout called the new pyramid “complete ignorance,” probably because it doesn’t match their fantasy world where we all survive on kale chips and moral superiority.

The Center for Science in the Public Interest — a group that’s been pushing margarine since the Reagan era — said the guidelines undermine “the saturated fat limit.” But let’s be honest: the so-called science they cling to is the same junk that told us to fear butter and embrace sugar-laden cereals. Remember when the old pyramid told us six to eleven servings of bread a day was healthy? How’d that work out?

And of course, Bloomberg had to make it about climate change. According to their analysis, beef is responsible for 20 times more greenhouse gas emissions than beans. So now your dinner is destroying the planet — unless, of course, it’s a vegan-approved cricket patty.

Let’s call this what it is: the left’s latest attempt to control how you live, how you eat, and even what you put on your plate. They don’t just want to take your gas stove; they want to take your ribeye too. This isn’t about health. It’s about ideology. It’s about forcing Americans into a climate cult diet dressed up as science.

Under President Trump’s administration, the new guidelines are a breath of fresh air in a stale world of soy nonsense. They encourage Americans to return to real food, real nutrition, and real freedom to choose what we eat. Liberals can keep their imitation meat and almond milk. We’ll take the steak and liberty, medium-rare.