Well folks, it finally happened. After five decades of waddling through the halls of government like a bloated bureaucratic penguin, Rep. Jerry Nadler is packing up his congressional seat and calling it quits. That’s right — the longtime New York Democrat has announced he won’t be running for re-election in 2026. And if you listen closely, you can hear the sighs of relief from the Constitution, the taxpayers, and every chair he’s ever leaned on.

Nadler’s announcement came wrapped in the usual political gift wrap: lofty words about “passing the torch,” “defending democracy,” and “fighting for values.” Of course, if you’ve been paying attention over the years, you’ll know those are just the standard buzzwords Democrats use when they want to distract you from the fact that they’re retiring with a pension twice the size of your mortgage.

Let’s not pretend this is a noble exit. Jerry Nadler isn’t stepping aside because he’s suddenly found humility or because he’s eager to watch a new generation of Democrats carry the torch. No, he’s leaving because the Democrat Party is in chaos, splintering like a Jenga tower at a toddler’s birthday party. After Joe Biden’s humiliating withdrawal from the 2024 presidential race, the old guard of the Democrat establishment realized they couldn’t keep pretending to be hip and relevant while the country burns. So Nadler, ever the party loyalist, is getting out before the real implosion begins.

For those who don’t remember, Nadler’s most notable contribution to American politics was chairing the House Judiciary Committee during Trump’s first impeachment circus. He spent years pretending to be a constitutional scholar while leading a partisan witch hunt that made the Salem trials look like a due process seminar. And how did that turn out? Trump’s still standing, stronger than ever, while Nadler is out here writing his political obituary on congressional letterhead.

And let’s not forget his steadfast commitment to New York City — a place that, under Democrat rule, has transformed from the city that never sleeps into the city that never stops screaming. Crime? Through the roof. Homelessness? Out of control. Taxes? You need a CPA and a prayer just to file them. But sure, Nadler will “stay fully engaged in the community.” Translation: he’ll be sipping overpriced coffee in the Upper West Side while the rest of Manhattan turns into Gotham without Batman.

Now, Nadler’s exit opens up a valuable congressional seat in the heart of Manhattan — a seat that has been a fortress of liberal lunacy for decades. But with Democrats in disarray and Republicans surging across the country, don’t count out a red surprise. If there was ever a time for New Yorkers to wake up from their progressive nightmare, it’s now. The once-great Empire State needs leadership that doesn’t come with a side of socialist slogans and sky-high crime rates.

Of course, Nadler still claims he’ll spend the next 16 months “defending democracy” and “protecting our institutions.” That’s rich coming from a guy who turned the Judiciary Committee into a DNC campaign arm. If Nadler’s idea of democracy is partisan impeachment, censorship, and rubber-stamping whatever the far-left demands, then yes — we’ve seen exactly what he stands for. And we’re not sad to see him go.

So farewell, Jerry. Enjoy your retirement. Maybe take a history class, learn what the Constitution actually says, and try not to trip over your own legacy on the way out. Because if your political career is remembered for anything, it will be for helping turn the Democrat Party into the punchline it is today. And for that, we thank you.