The country is in awful shape right now, thanks to Joe Biden. Biden has us in a proxy war with Russia right now and as of today, wants to send them another $12 billion. (And people thought the Afghanistan war was a waste.) The economy was in the toilet a few months ago, and now it’s been fully flushed. 51% of voters think the Biden economy is “very bad” – not just “bad,” but “very bad.” The FBI is taking agents off cases investigating child sex abuse in order to pour more man power into harassing Trump supporters. We’re being invaded. I don’t about you, but I could use a good laugh. And fortunately, the Crazy Rape Lady is back and she’s suing Donald Trump!
The Crazy Rape Lady is E. Jean Carroll, who used to write a women’s advice column for Elle magazine. She’s the woman who claimed that Donald Trump lured her into a department store dressing room in New York back in late 1995 or early 1996 (Details, schmetails! Where’s Christine Blasey Ford when you need her?) and raped her. Her claims were so outlandish and lacking in credibility that when the media started briefly elevating her during Trump’s second year in office, he responded that there’s no way he could have raped her because she’s not hot enough. (Classic Trump zinger!)
Jean Carroll has spent decades writing about all the men who have raped her. If you’ve ever been in the same zip code as her and you’re a man, you probably raped her without knowing it. It’s okay. You couldn’t help yourself. She’s just… that… hot. She’s especially been raped a lot by wealthy, powerful, famous men.
She once wrote about the late author Hunter S. Thompson raping her in his hot tub. “Off with your pants!” shouted Thompson, as he chopped her pants off with a huge Bowie knife in the hot tub before raping her. And if you wonder why she was wearing pants in the hot tub, that just means you’re a bigot who doesn’t #BelieveAllWomen.
Here’s an excerpt about the time she interviewed CBS President Les Moonves at the Hotel Nikko in Beverly Hills:
“The short, gravel-voiced Moonves apparently takes one look at me — a 50-something journalist in a pair of old brown-and-beige oxfords — and his life is no longer his own.”
She claims Moonves couldn’t help himself! He followed her into an elevator, according to her bodice-ripping account, pinned her against the wall of the elevator, and performed a “full Joe Biden” on her with his hands. Then they both laughed nervously about what happened. (Moonves “emphatically denies” the encounter.)
Bill O’Reilly, her male Girl Scout camp counselor (is that even a real thing), the first guy she dated in college, Matt Lauer, her first boss in Chicago, her gym teacher, and Charlie Rose have all allegedly raped her as well, according to the Crazy Rape Lady’s long list of dudes who have raped her.
The media became incredibly excited when the Crazy Rape Lady wrote about Donald Trump raping her in a New York City department store dressing room in the 1990s. When she was 52 years old. Like every other rich and powerful man who has accidentally wandered into the same area code as E. Jean Carroll, Trump just couldn’t help himself. And don’t you dare doubt her story just because it copies the exact plot of an episode of “Sex and the City!”
When TV news anchors started asking Carroll about what it was like to be a “rape survivor” when her rapist was the President of the United States, that’s when things really started to go sideways. The Crazy Rape Lady insisted that she wasn’t a victim… because all women love rape! Rape is great, she insisted! That’s when the news anchors would start nervously inching away from her, as they realized they were in the presence of a crazy person.
Jean Carroll made a career out of writing soft-core women’s porn fantasies for Elle magazine about how all the rich and famous men just couldn’t resist her, and the fashionable clothes she was wearing at the time.
Actual excerpt from her account of being raped by Donald Trump:
“I am surprised at how good-looking he is. We’ve met once before, and perhaps it is the dusky light but he looks prettier than ever. This has to be in the fall of 1995 or the spring of 1996 because he’s garbed in a faultless topcoat and I’m wearing my black wool Donna Karan coatdress and high heels but not a coat.”
Funny how none of those men ever wanted to marry her if she was so irresistible! She’s a bitter, aging fame whore who realizes that she’s going to die childless and alone. So, she’s looking to cling to her 15 minutes of fame to the bitter end. There’s no one in her life who cares about her enough to sit her down and tell her she’s suffering from the worst case of Trump Derangement Syndrome in history.
Carroll is now suing Donald Trump for sexual battery due to a story she plagiarized from a “Sex and the City” episode. That’s hilarious! We can already see how this one is going to end. Welcome back, Crazy Rape Lady! I’m looking forward to your next appearance on The View. And before you go through with this lawsuit, you might want to review what happened with that other “credible” Trump accuser, Stormy Daniels.