We’ve officially reached the point in this country where a Cabinet secretary can’t say “Happy Easter” without a federal investigation. Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins sent an email to USDA employees on Easter Sunday — Easter Sunday, mind you — wishing them a Happy Easter and writing “He is Risen indeed.” That’s it. That’s the crime. She acknowledged the single most celebrated holiday in the Western world in an email, and now she’s got a formal complaint filed against her with the Office of Special Counsel because apparently saying the word “Jesus” inside a government building is a worse offense than laundering money through ActBlue.

I want you to picture this. It’s Easter morning. Brooke Rollins — a woman who runs a department with 100,000 employees that makes sure your food doesn’t kill you — takes thirty seconds out of her day to send a holiday greeting. And somewhere in a fluorescent-lit cubicle, a government union president named Ethan Roberts read that email, spit out his fair-trade coffee, and immediately called a lawyer. Because nothing says “I’m a serious person” like filing a federal complaint over a holiday card.

The complaint alleges — and I’m not making this up — that the email was a “pro-Christianity sermon” that violated the First Amendment’s establishment clause. A sermon. The woman wrote three sentences about Easter on Easter. That’s not a sermon, Ethan. A sermon is what your HR department puts you through every February when they make you sit in a conference room for two hours learning about “unconscious bias.” Nobody files complaints about those.

And right on cue, the Freedom from Religion Foundation — which is basically a group of people who get hives when they drive past a church — announced that “nearly 30” USDA employees contacted them to express their outrage. Thirty. Out of a hundred thousand. That’s 0.03 percent of the workforce. You could get thirty people in any office to complain about the vending machine selection. That’s not a movement. That’s a book club for people who are mad at God.

Here’s what really cooks my grits about this whole thing. These are the same people who will send you a mandatory email about Ramadan awareness. They’ll put up decorations for Diwali. They’ll send a department-wide memo celebrating the summer solstice if some pagan in accounting asks nicely enough. But the second someone acknowledges the holiday that literally gave us the weekend they’re currently enjoying? Constitutional crisis. Call the lawyers. Brooke Rollins just established a theocracy with her Outlook account.

The USDA’s response was perfect, by the way. Their spokesperson basically said: “The Secretary is within her rights to send a message to employees and the public on the Easter holiday. Just like Secretaries of Agriculture and Presidents have in the past.” Translation: We’re not apologizing, go pound sand. And they shouldn’t apologize. Every president since George Washington has acknowledged Easter. It’s on the White House calendar every year. There’s literally a giant egg roll on the South Lawn. But sure, Brooke Rollins is the one who crossed the line because she said “He is Risen” in an email that nobody was forced to read.

Let’s talk about what’s actually happening here, because it’s not about an email. It’s about a very small, very loud group of people who have decided that any public expression of Christianity is an act of aggression. You can wear a pentagram to work. You can put your pronouns in your email signature. You can hang a pride flag in your cubicle that’s bigger than a beach towel. But if you say “God bless you” after someone sneezes, you’re apparently one step away from the Spanish Inquisition.

This is the same playbook they’ve been running for twenty years. Find a Christian who said something Christian in public. Claim you’re “offended.” File a complaint. Get the media to write headlines that make it sound like the Secretary of Agriculture was baptizing interns in the break room. And then hope that the next person who thinks about saying “Merry Christmas” at work remembers what happened and keeps their mouth shut. It’s not about separation of church and state. It’s about making Christians feel like second-class citizens in their own country.

And we’re supposed to take these people seriously? The same federal government that spent $3 million studying the mating habits of quails on cocaine wants to investigate a woman for saying “Happy Easter”? The same bureaucracy that can’t process a passport in under six months has time to open a case file on a holiday greeting? Please. If the Office of Special Counsel has enough bandwidth to investigate an Easter email, then we clearly haven’t cut enough government jobs yet. Somebody call Elon.

Here’s my favorite part of this whole saga. The complaint was filed by a union president. A union president. The guy whose entire job is supposedly protecting workers just filed a complaint against his boss for… wishing workers a happy holiday. That’s like a firefighter filing a complaint because someone put out a fire. You had one job, Ethan, and you’re doing the opposite of it.

We need to stop pretending this is normal. It’s not normal. It’s absurd. A hundred years ago, every office in America closed on Good Friday. Fifty years ago, nobody blinked if the boss said “Happy Easter.” Twenty years ago, this would have been a joke on a late-night show. And today, in 2026, it’s a formal federal investigation. That’s not progress. That’s a country that’s lost its mind.

So here’s what we do. We say “Happy Easter” louder. We say “Merry Christmas” in October if we feel like it. We stop apologizing for acknowledging the faith that built Western civilization, wrote its laws, founded its hospitals, and created the very concept of human rights that these complainers are now using to try to silence us. Brooke Rollins didn’t violate the Constitution. She sent an email. And if that terrifies you, the problem isn’t her faith — it’s your fragility.

He is Risen, Ethan. Deal with it.