I am jubilant and highly confident that Donald John Trump is headed for reelection in a few weeks. With that being said, I implore you – I beg of you – get out and vote on November 3rd. Vote in person, either on a machine or paper ballot if you can, but VOTE. We need a major Trumpslide in November, for the good of the country.
When a Republican candidate wins by a landslide, it always makes the Democrats’ insane base shut up and calm down for a while. (Boy, could America use that right now!) But it is also the only thing that prevents the Democrats from making up an insane conspiracy theory about how the Republican “stole” the election. Don’t believe me? Let’s crack open a history book.
1968: Close election, but Richard Nixon won.
The Conspiracy Theory: Ku Klux Klan collusion!
It was inconceivable to the Democrat Party that Nixon could have eked out a win by promising to get America out of its disastrous misadventure in Vietnam. Nixon promised to end the war and bring the troops home.
This is where the myth of Nixon’s “Southern Strategy” was born. According to the media and the Democrats, Nixon used racist dog whistles in his “Southern Strategy” (a strategy of the Nixon campaign that oddly did not exist) to reach out to the Ku Klux Klan with a secret message that he was going to reintroduce slavery, etc., etc., which tricked the Klan to switch parties after a hundred years and suddenly vote for the Republican. (See also the Obama 2008 campaign, Biden 2020 campaign and Black Lives Matter.)
When Nixon pounded the Democrats with the single largest electoral and popular vote landslide in 1972, they couldn’t come up with any viable conspiracy theory to try to delegitimize the victory. They still managed to destroy him through a “scandal” that now looks like a game of Tiddlywinks when compared to the treason of Obamagate.
1980: Close election, but Ronald Reagan won.
The Conspiracy Theory: Iranian mullah collusion!
The former governor of California, Ronald Reagan, somehow managed to sneak over to Iran and hatch a secret plan with the mullahs: Keep American embassy personnel as hostages until after the 1980 election in a plot to make Jimmy Carter look weak and ineffectual.
Spoiler alert: The Iranian mullahs already thought Jimmy Carter looked weak and ineffectual, because A) Jimmy Carter was weak and ineffectual, and B), they had been thumbing their noses at America for the entirety of the Carter presidency, mainly because Jimmy Carter was… weak and ineffectual.
The mullahs actually did not release the hostages immediately after the election, which sort of ruins the whole conspiracy theory. They held the Americans captive right up until the moment of Reagan’s inauguration, and then turned them loose.
They knew that the Gipper wasn’t making empty threats and wouldn’t try to appease them like you-know-who.
1988: George HW Bush snags a come-from-behind win over Dukakis.
The Conspiracy Theory: Racism collusion!
Bush was racist against black people, and that spurred all of the racists who don’t normally vote to turn out and edge Bush across the finish line. The Democrats’ proof of this was the brilliant Willie Horton ads, created by the great Floyd Brown. Willie Brown was a black criminal who traveled from Massachusetts to another state to massacre and rape people, thanks to Dukakis’ genius idea to give criminals weekends off from, you know, prison.
Democrats couldn’t accept that the soft-on-crime stylings of Dukakis were what cost him the election, so they had to reinflate the conspiracy theory of racism.
2000: George W. Bush narrowly defeats Al Gore after the Florida recount.
The Conspiracy Theory: Supreme Court collusion!
Former Jeffrey Epstein attorney, Harvard law professor and accused pedophile Alan Dershowitz even wrote a book about this one. Bush, who didn’t hold any government office at the time, hatched a secret plan with five Supreme Court Justices to steal the election from Al Gore.k
2004: Bush narrowly defeats John Kerry.
The Conspiracy Theory: Halliburton collusion!
Evil corporation Halliburton wanted to keep the “real” president – Dick Cheney – in office for four more years, so the company hacked the voting machines in the state of Ohio to give Bush the victory.
And of course, you know how 2016 turned out and know all about the insane Russian collusion conspiracy theory that the Democrats hatched for that one. That’s why we need to deliver a Donald Trump landslide in 2020. It’s the only way to shut them up and hopefully – hopefully – finally lower the temperature in America again.