Washington, we have a nose problem. And no, it’s not the kind that calls for a box of tissues and some Claritin. It’s the kind that involves a baggie of cocaine mysteriously appearing in the West Wing while Hunter Biden just happened to be visiting in early July 2023. What are the odds? Well, considering Hunter’s track record, about the same as finding sand at the beach.

But the real scandal isn’t just the powder—it’s the cover-up that followed. The top brass at the Secret Service, the agency tasked with protecting the most powerful people in the world,  just couldn’t handle tracing a baggie of drugs in one of the most secure buildings on the planet. Even though DNA was found on it. Their excuse? The cocaine was found in a “blind spot” for surveillance cameras. So either the White House was designed by the same people who did the security at a 7-Eleven in the ’90s, or someone in the agency didn’t want this mystery solved.

At first, we were told there were no fingerprints, no DNA, and no leads. Case closed. But surprise! It turns out there *was* a partial DNA hit. And what did then-Secret Service Director Kim Cheatle do with that bombshell? She tried to make it vanish faster than Joe Biden’s approval ratings. The cocaine was quietly destroyed, and the story swept under the rug like a broken campaign promise.

But here’s where it gets even juicier. According to multiple sources, promotions were handed out to individuals who helped hush up the scandal. Yes, in Biden’s America, you don’t get promoted for excellence—you get promoted for silence. This is the kind of banana republic behavior that makes banana republics look organized.

Now, some Secret Service agents weren’t too thrilled about being forced into a cocaine cover-up. Shocking, right? One officer, clearly fed up with the nonsense, created a commemorative challenge coin to lighten the mood. It featured the classic “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” monkeys—because nothing screams morale like a satirical jab at your own agency’s integrity. The result? The officer was thrown on administrative leave for daring to expose the truth through humor. So much for free speech on the front lines of federal service.

And let’s not forget the timeline. The Secret Service “investigated” the matter for a grand total of 11 days. That’s less time than it takes the DMV to process a license renewal. They wrapped it up, shut it down, and crossed their fingers that the public would move on. Spoiler alert: we didn’t.

🚨🚨EXCLUSIVE AND #BREAKING — NEW INFO ON WHITE HOUSE COCAINE-GATE:

"SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL, SPEAK NO EVIL"

THESE ARE COMMEMORATIVE COINS A SECRET SERVICE OFFICER MADE IN REBELLION TO LEADERSHIP'S COCAINE "COVER-UP."

The @SecretService Uniformed Division officers who… https://t.co/0S6MkpsN7k pic.twitter.com/yVtZmJJWxc

— Susan Crabtree (@susancrabtree) October 28, 2025

Thankfully, the FBI has reopened the investigation. Deputy Director Dan Bongino isn’t letting this one slip through the cracks. Bongino announced earlier this year that the bureau is revisiting several high-profile cases, including the White House cocaine incident, the DC pipe bombing, and the Dobbs Supreme Court leak. You know, that trifecta of Democrat-era disasters that were all conveniently swept under the rug when Biden was pretending to run the country.

Let’s be clear: this isn’t just about a bag of cocaine. It’s about a culture of corruption, cover-ups, and cowardice that defined the Biden administration. When the people charged with defending our leaders are forced to play janitor for the First Family’s messes, we’ve got a serious problem.

The American people deserve answers, not excuses. And if a few rogue agents with a sense of humor have to torch the house of lies to get them, then so be it. After all, in the Biden White House, the only thing more addictive than the coke was the cover-up.