In a not-totally-unexpected development in the Balloon-apalooza wackiness over the past few days, it turns out that the Chinese balloon is somehow… all Donald Trump’s fault. The internal polling in the Biden regime must be really terrible if they have to blame America’s real president for Biden’s weakness and treasonous behavior on behalf of the Chinese Communist Party.

Not that many Republicans and right-leaning media outlets aren’t embarrassing themselves badly over this fiasco, too. The safest bet with any news story is always to assume that Donald Trump is the only one telling the truth, and work your way backwards from there.

Here’s the “story” in a nutshell.

China floated some massive balloon up to 60,000 feet in the air, and then turned it loose in the jet stream. The balloon then drifted over part of Alaska, violating our sovereign air space. Then it floated across part of Canada before drifting down into Montana, through the Midwest, and out into the Atlantic Ocean.

Joe Biden finally ordered it to be shot down once it was safely outside of US airspace, and his CCP masters had completed whatever task they floated the balloon up there to accomplish.

Now… I really mean it when I say the Republican freakout over this is embarrassing. The main claim is that China used the balloon to take pictures of our nuclear silos. Former Trump administration Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe says that the balloon did “incalculable damage” to US national security. Whoa. Save some chicks for the rest of us, bro.

This is so dumb it makes me want to bang my head against the wall. China took pictures of all of our nuclear silos in America? Using century-old dirigible technology and cameras that are obviously going to be shaking and hard to control up there in the jet stream? Really?

China doesn’t need pictures of anything in America because of its spy satellites (built with technology they stole from us). A military spy satellite can take a high-resolution video showing you wiggling your eyebrows in your front yard if it needs to. Who thinks that China needed to send a balloon up to take pictures of anything? Top secret and military grade equipment is generally anywhere from 10 to 50 years ahead of anything we have available in the private sector.

Which is why I’m not overly worried about any of the “UFOs” that are suddenly floating around. It’s some kind of new drone technology developed at the experimental naval air base, and we’ll all know what it is in a few years. But it won’t be UFOs.

So, China’s spy satellite capabilities (stolen from us) obviously make the need for taking pictures from a balloon moot.

Not to mention the fact that every single one of our sensitive nuclear sites and research laboratories is crawling with Chinese spies who can just take pictures of everything from close up. Why do we know this? Because, as Donald Trump has said previously, we are “the stupid country” when it comes to mass immigration. We let anybody come in from anywhere, give them full cradle-to-grave benefits and jobs that should belong to American workers, and then give them the keys to everything.

So again, China doesn’t need 100-year-old dirigible technology to take pictures of anything. Which means that something else is going on.

The best theory I’ve seen is that China is probably testing America’s willingness to shoot its balloons down, which they’re apparently floating over many different countries right now. And the balloons are probably a delivery system of some type for a first-strike EMP device that could instantly plunge America into a new Dark Age if they detonated it 5 miles overhead.

So, the test was a total success in China finding out whether their bought-and-paid-for puppet China Joe would shoot their balloons down before they enter US air space. Mission accomplished.

No matter how much they try to blame Donald Trump for this fiasco, we simply know it isn’t true. Trump wouldn’t have had to shoot a Chinese balloon, because China never would have attempted a stunt like this in the first place with America’s real president in office. But with their puppet Joe Biden in office? The sky is the limit!