Ladies and gentlemen, can you feel the electricity of excitement crackling in the air for Joe Biden 2020? Why, just this week, when Joe Biden announced his Hispanic plan for America to web-only users, more than 100 people tuned in. Nearly broke the internet tubes! And now that a group of former Bernie Bros has launched the captivating “Settle for Biden” initiative – it’s curtains for Trump! Turn up your record player, America!
We thought this was possibly a joke when we first saw it. A group of former Bernie Bros has formed a PAC called “Settle for Biden.” It’s a real thing. It’s not a hilarious side project of the Babylon Bee or even the Trump-supporting Weaponized Autism Squad from the Chan sites.
The group has been creating dozens of banner and social media images that disgruntled Bernie Bros can post to their own sites in order to boost Joe Biden’s chances in the election. “Okay, fine. Biden 2020,” the group announces with a resigned shrug at the top of their unintentionally hilarious Instagram page.
The images feature prominent Democrats like Elizabeth Warren and AOC staring into the camera with captions like, “She’s settling for Joe Biden. Why can’t you?” The one with accused cop-killer and radical communist Angela Davis – in a police interview room – asking the same question is especially a knee-slapper. If Angela freakin’ Davis has endorsed Joe Biden, can’t you Bernie Bros get off your high horses, just hold your nose on election day and vote for him, too?
We don’t feel sorry for the Bernie Bros at all. These are the same jerks that shot Steve Scalise, after all. And of course, Project Veritas revealed earlier this year that Bernie’s campaign managers fully support putting Trump fans in gulags for reeducation. But normal Americans can certainly sympathize with the predicament that the Bernie Bros are in. The establishment has done the same thing to the rest of us for years.
Almost any of the Republican candidates running for president in 2008 would have been better for America than Barack Obama. Almost. But the game was rigged, and we ended up with John McCain as the nominee, a guy who once said that the Republican Party didn’t need a bunch of “Bible-thumping retards” holding it back. We were asked to “settle for McCain.”
We had a bumper crop of Republican candidates in 2012 as well. Obama was the most incompetent and corrupt president in history, Americans were furious about Obamacare and it was an easily winnable race. Almost any Republican candidate in that primary could have trounced Obama. I mean, Herman Cain – are you kidding me?! But the game was rigged once again, and we were asked to settle for Mitt Romney, a.k.a. Pierre Delecto.
If Obama had ever had a constipated ideological twin, he would have looked like Pierre Delecto.
Yeah, like we said, we don’t feel sorry for the Bernie Bros, but we can empathize with their situation. We know what it feels like to be asked to settle.
Too bad, Bernie Bros! It was Homecoming Night and you were hoping for some cheek-to-cheek time with Joy Villa. But when the slow music came on, the only gal leaning up against the wall waiting for a dance partner was Lizzo.
“Okay, fine. Biden 2020.”
Do you want my advice, Bernie Bros? I know you don’t, but here it is anyway. The way I see it, you have three choices in 2020.
First, you could settle for Biden. Compromise all of your principles and everything you stand for. Hold your nose inside the booth and cast your sacred vote for a privileged old white male kleptocrat who represents everything you despise. Afterward, you’ll need to cry about it in the shower for a couple of hours because you’ll feel so dirty, broken and betrayed. You know, sort of like Tara Reade.
Second, you could vote for Kanye West. At least he’s a real black American, and not another fake child of privileged academia like Biden’s likely VP running mate Kamala Harris.
Or there’s a third option. If you Bernie Bros really want to stick it to “The Man” and strike a blow against the corrupt Democrat Party officials who rigged your dreams of a workers’ paradise right out from under you, you could cast the ultimate protest vote – for Donald J. Trump. That would really stick it to the b*stards who stole the race from Bernie.
Anyway, that’s my two cents for the Bernie Bros.
And for everyone else who wants to laugh at the “Settle for Biden” campaign’s unintentional comedy, go check out their Instagram page at: https://www.instagram.com/settleforbiden/?hl=en